Tonight as I sit here, my heart is breaking over the way so many have fallen away and given themselves back to their old lusts, or have been taken captive by the enemy's bondages. I have lately learned of many who have fallen back into sexual sin, lebiasim, or have just compromised in so many ways...my heart breaks at the thought of this and the brokeness that the church-our brothers and sisters are in. But even as i write this i am one who is no different. I have my own struggles, my own bondages that try to take hold of me and bind me...sometimes I end up giving in and sometimes I fight. But through it all, I hear God saying, "My child, why do you keep turning to things that will only leave you temporarily sastisfied? Why do you keep resorting back to the things of old, instead of trusting Me for things that are new? Why do you fall back into old hurts, ways of thinking, bondages instead of living in the healing, mindset, and freedom I have offered you and made available to you at any given moment? You have experienced Me. You know My heart. Yet, you choose your animilistic tendencies over My pure, holy, and untainted ways for you. Will you not see My love for you? My helping and guiding hand? That I have planned and prepared so much more for you than the sin you are living in at this moment?"
It all starts off so innocently, but then before we know it, it controls us and dominates the way which we live. We think we are in control, but this is only a lie. There is only one way to break the cycle, the addiction that seizes our hearts, our life, and makes us captive...the truth...speaking, memorizing, dwelling on the truth that has come to set us free.
So as I think upon this all. I think about those ones who have heard and experienced You, but who at this time lives so boldly today for the sin they are in which is utter lies and ruin. I think about how I am not that far away from such things but because of the conviction of the Holy Spirit and the mercy of our amazing God, I have not been hardened and still have a chance, a hope. That i will not be consumed or live for that which is animilistic but live as a chosen, beloved daughter of a pure and holy God. That through His help and guidance I will be holy as He is Holy.
I can only pray that they know it is not to late. That they will see the open door before it is to late and the door is shut. That there also is still a hope for them if they shall turn and repent and accept the freedom which He paid the price for. All I can do is pray, pray for a true and real encouter with the living and just God. So that is what I shall do...
God, I come before you right now and I ask God that you forgive the sins of Your people. Forgive us for the ways we have turned to our flesh to find sastisfaction and for the way we have fallen into the bondages of satan by not keeping the truth in our sight. Father, forgive us for the way we have let disillusionment and pride keep us from You and the way we have chosen self over You. You are a holy God and there is no other like You. You are just and merciful, redeeming and gracious, but you are also a God of judgement and One who's character is flawless and You shall not let that be compromised. So please come and burn away that which is unpleasing to You, a stink aroma in Your presence. So that there is nothing left but that which is pleasing and honorable to You. God, I thank you for your grace and your relentless pursuit of us. For the beatings of Your heart and that which only comes from You. God, come and have Your way. Break the chains once and for all Lord. In Jesus might name, Amen...
Written: August 30, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
the beatings of His heart...
Have you ever thought about how much you are loved and how much God longs for you? Have you ever thought or wonder that in the waiting if your betrothed is waiting for you? Will it be worth it? Will it ever come?
These same questions are the same statements that God has asked us and directs towards us on a daily basis...He says, "I am waiting for you, will you wait for me? I have counted the cost and loved you with an everlasting love. Will the price I bore for you be seen by your eyes, and acknowledged within your heart, so that we can walk this road together? You are my betrothed, my beloved and I will come for you. I see your day, I see your need, I see your heart and all that you are. And to Me you are beautiful. You are so perfect that words cannot adequately describe how My heart longs for you. So come...come and be at one with me, waiting and let me lavish Myself on you, as I tenderly lead you into My courts, My temple so we can finally be one."
*****************************************************
As I sat outside tonight I begun to see images: laughter, delight, conversations, intimacy as hearts were being shared. I saw an image of myself leaning against someone as we talked of our day and all that was on and in our heart. As I asked the Lord what this meant, He said, "though you feel or seem alone, deemed by the standards of this world, I am with you and this My darling, is our relationship. I am with you and you and I are one. You know me and I you. So lean back against Me and talk to Me." It was in this moment the need of my heart was touched as I felt His beauty and His presence so securely and steadfastly around me. The very thing I longed for at the moment, a friend, a companion...was there, He was there.
So with that I closed my eyes and leaned back. In the physical it was against the white old rocking bench, in the spiritual it was against my beloved. Though I couldn't see His face, I felt His touch, His arms around me. I begun the conversation by asking, "How was Your day?" This was His reply, "My day was an amazing day, yet at the same time very hard. Many people today came to know Me. Many people were healed, eyes were opened, and the lame walked. Hearts were healed, bandages broken and My peace and light made known into dark places. However, it was hard because many people were hurt through tragedy, many still have rejected Me and left Me for another or because they think they can do it better alone. Many lives were taken before the right timing, and many have become distracted and filled themselves, violating themselves, defiling themselves for something that is only fleeting and of no lasting significance. Authorities have risen up against me, churches have desensitized My name and who I am. All this breaks my heart. But My darling, I will not let this keep Me down, for in the end I know how it will turn out. I know that though many of chosen against Me, many like You, have continued to walk with Me and stand up for Me in ways unknown to the common eye. And you want to know the funny thing through it all My dear? I still love them, each and every one. I still love them so much that I am fighting, interceding, holding back so that time can be given. I just wish they knew that I would do anything for them...that I am with them, comforting and guiding them till the end."
At this my heart was silenced, and all I could do was sit there against my beloved and listen to His heart cry. Here is my Creator, the great I AM...baring all to me. Humbled I listened. I have never known a love like this before, one so contrite and true. One so real and authentic, one so unmeasurable. I was completely lost with the resounding of His voice. I just laid my head against His chest and as I listen to His heart beat I said, "my beloved, I am so sorry... I wish I had the words to say to comfort you, words to speak for you."
With this His reply was one of continued beauty, "Darling, I am not looking for comfort, what I am looking for is this...a deep intimacy as you continue to give your heart to Me. And as you let go and we walk this path together, the journey of this side of eternity, well...the rest will come. Words will be given, healings will be seen, life will be made new because you My darling, have found and understand a key to being with Me...sweet sweet intimacy."
Right then I saw a vision of Him handing me a stuffed teddy bear. With this I asked, "what does this mean?" My beloved replied, "this My darling, is for you. I have such great gifts in store for you. Things that will bring a smile to your face and joy to your soul. Though the world may throw things at you, I, My darling give to you. So receive and let Me give you things, things that for now may be unknown but they are known to Me. And you My darling, deserve the finest things, so let me surprise you and give to you!"
At this I smiled. But not just a smile that showed on my face, but one that flowed from the depths of my being. As one who has been touched passionately. I have never known a love like His before. Here beside me, with me, in me is a man, my God, who talks to me, spoils me, and loves me so much! What more could I ever ask for? For He has fulfilled a longing deep within my soul, all through the touch of His words, and the beat of His heart....
These same questions are the same statements that God has asked us and directs towards us on a daily basis...He says, "I am waiting for you, will you wait for me? I have counted the cost and loved you with an everlasting love. Will the price I bore for you be seen by your eyes, and acknowledged within your heart, so that we can walk this road together? You are my betrothed, my beloved and I will come for you. I see your day, I see your need, I see your heart and all that you are. And to Me you are beautiful. You are so perfect that words cannot adequately describe how My heart longs for you. So come...come and be at one with me, waiting and let me lavish Myself on you, as I tenderly lead you into My courts, My temple so we can finally be one."
*****************************************************
As I sat outside tonight I begun to see images: laughter, delight, conversations, intimacy as hearts were being shared. I saw an image of myself leaning against someone as we talked of our day and all that was on and in our heart. As I asked the Lord what this meant, He said, "though you feel or seem alone, deemed by the standards of this world, I am with you and this My darling, is our relationship. I am with you and you and I are one. You know me and I you. So lean back against Me and talk to Me." It was in this moment the need of my heart was touched as I felt His beauty and His presence so securely and steadfastly around me. The very thing I longed for at the moment, a friend, a companion...was there, He was there.
So with that I closed my eyes and leaned back. In the physical it was against the white old rocking bench, in the spiritual it was against my beloved. Though I couldn't see His face, I felt His touch, His arms around me. I begun the conversation by asking, "How was Your day?" This was His reply, "My day was an amazing day, yet at the same time very hard. Many people today came to know Me. Many people were healed, eyes were opened, and the lame walked. Hearts were healed, bandages broken and My peace and light made known into dark places. However, it was hard because many people were hurt through tragedy, many still have rejected Me and left Me for another or because they think they can do it better alone. Many lives were taken before the right timing, and many have become distracted and filled themselves, violating themselves, defiling themselves for something that is only fleeting and of no lasting significance. Authorities have risen up against me, churches have desensitized My name and who I am. All this breaks my heart. But My darling, I will not let this keep Me down, for in the end I know how it will turn out. I know that though many of chosen against Me, many like You, have continued to walk with Me and stand up for Me in ways unknown to the common eye. And you want to know the funny thing through it all My dear? I still love them, each and every one. I still love them so much that I am fighting, interceding, holding back so that time can be given. I just wish they knew that I would do anything for them...that I am with them, comforting and guiding them till the end."
At this my heart was silenced, and all I could do was sit there against my beloved and listen to His heart cry. Here is my Creator, the great I AM...baring all to me. Humbled I listened. I have never known a love like this before, one so contrite and true. One so real and authentic, one so unmeasurable. I was completely lost with the resounding of His voice. I just laid my head against His chest and as I listen to His heart beat I said, "my beloved, I am so sorry... I wish I had the words to say to comfort you, words to speak for you."
With this His reply was one of continued beauty, "Darling, I am not looking for comfort, what I am looking for is this...a deep intimacy as you continue to give your heart to Me. And as you let go and we walk this path together, the journey of this side of eternity, well...the rest will come. Words will be given, healings will be seen, life will be made new because you My darling, have found and understand a key to being with Me...sweet sweet intimacy."
Right then I saw a vision of Him handing me a stuffed teddy bear. With this I asked, "what does this mean?" My beloved replied, "this My darling, is for you. I have such great gifts in store for you. Things that will bring a smile to your face and joy to your soul. Though the world may throw things at you, I, My darling give to you. So receive and let Me give you things, things that for now may be unknown but they are known to Me. And you My darling, deserve the finest things, so let me surprise you and give to you!"
At this I smiled. But not just a smile that showed on my face, but one that flowed from the depths of my being. As one who has been touched passionately. I have never known a love like His before. Here beside me, with me, in me is a man, my God, who talks to me, spoils me, and loves me so much! What more could I ever ask for? For He has fulfilled a longing deep within my soul, all through the touch of His words, and the beat of His heart....
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
THIRST
Has one ever thought how God can be so thirsty for the love that only you can lavish on Him? Have we ever really understood that when Jesus spoke of being thirsty before dieing on that cross that He wasn’t talking of a physical thirst but a heart thirst? That it is YOU He desires, that its only YOU that can quench the unquenchable thirst that His heart begs for?
We often times talk about being hungry for God but we do not ever really elaborate on the thirsting for God. In Isaiah it talks about thirsting and hungering for Him and we shall be filled. We relate this to how we should seek after Him, read His word, pray, worship, but in that do we understand that God is thirsting for you? He is hungry for you? And it is when we seek Him, pursue Him, that we fill His thirst, His yearning and panting as deer in search for water, because we are then giving Him all of us! We are then filling a void also within us that will keep us returning for more, because in Him we find the satisfaction, the pursuit, the filling we have been looking for. It’s a two way street! As we give Him what He thirsts for, us, He gives us what our hearts are looking for, Him. What a powerful, simple thought. His love, our love, our life, His ways….all of it flows out of thirsting and hungering…it is all within the heart. And when we fill up on Him that is then when all else falls away and we become one, immersed deep within the waters of His love, His heart, His thirst!
It is when we thirst for Him, that He fills us and all things are possible, because of His love, blind eyes will see, ears will be opened, lame will walk, mute will talk, and brokenness will be healed!
We often times talk about being hungry for God but we do not ever really elaborate on the thirsting for God. In Isaiah it talks about thirsting and hungering for Him and we shall be filled. We relate this to how we should seek after Him, read His word, pray, worship, but in that do we understand that God is thirsting for you? He is hungry for you? And it is when we seek Him, pursue Him, that we fill His thirst, His yearning and panting as deer in search for water, because we are then giving Him all of us! We are then filling a void also within us that will keep us returning for more, because in Him we find the satisfaction, the pursuit, the filling we have been looking for. It’s a two way street! As we give Him what He thirsts for, us, He gives us what our hearts are looking for, Him. What a powerful, simple thought. His love, our love, our life, His ways….all of it flows out of thirsting and hungering…it is all within the heart. And when we fill up on Him that is then when all else falls away and we become one, immersed deep within the waters of His love, His heart, His thirst!
It is when we thirst for Him, that He fills us and all things are possible, because of His love, blind eyes will see, ears will be opened, lame will walk, mute will talk, and brokenness will be healed!
Written: February 16, 2010
Nothing is yours...
I’m sitting her on the sofa in Cornerstone 230…the place I am staying in as I wait to go to Mexico…and I think how it feels like home…and all I have is little…2 suitcases and a guitar to be exact! I think how nice it is that nothing is mine and I don’t have a responsibility of it…then all the sudden you whisper to me and say, “nothing is yours, as freely as it comes, it should go…for your only responsibility is to be obedient to me…”. What a penetrating but liberating thought! How easily we hold onto ‘our things’ unwilling to share or jealous or envious when others touch or use. However, its not ours…everything is His and through Him. A simple but constant reminder that is given, one He has spoken may times to me but one almost always needed in this hedonistic material world. Thank you Lord for Your simple reminders and penetrating truths! I love you!
Written: October 19, 2009
guard and shun...
Proverbs 2:8: for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones.
When your eyes are on God and His ways, His truth will lead you. It will protect you and keep you safe as you continue down the road He has set out for you long before you were born. There is no need to worry or fear for His ways are upright and His angels and His strength and presence are overshadowing the way of that which you are to travel which is the protection He promises to give.
Proverbs 3:7: Do not be wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord and shun evil...
What an interesting verse! When one looks at this verse their eyes are immediately drawn to the word shun. The first two parts are fairly normal to everyday tellings. And even the word shun is a heard enough statement. However, when thought about what does shun really mean? When looked up the word shun means: to keep away from (a place, person, object, etc.), from motives of dislike, caution, etc.; take pains to avoid.
….What a concept…so then we must think of what’s evil? And that is anything that is not of God! So whether it be a place (even some where that is quite enjoyable, with many memories, or relaxing), a person you may be the closest with or have many memories with, or something that you hold dear or etc, whether it be any one of these, if it distracts you or is contrary or displeasing and disrupting to God than you must shun it…meaning also take pains to avoid! I find this very interesting cause this is often not the case. Often times when we say yes to a more intimate relationships with God and He calls us deeper, He will also ask us to leave things behind because they are not pleasing to Him and to what and where He has called us too. This hurts because we don’t understand why…we have become attached and comforted by that certain group or place or possession. However, we are to take up our cross and if Jesus Christ despised the shame…then how much more are we too at the same time? This question, this verse really takes the relevance to count the cost before taking up the cross. Are you willing to take the pains to avoid something that will hinder or get in the way of you fearing the Lord and being wise in your own eyes? For the joys of knowing the One set before you?
When your eyes are on God and His ways, His truth will lead you. It will protect you and keep you safe as you continue down the road He has set out for you long before you were born. There is no need to worry or fear for His ways are upright and His angels and His strength and presence are overshadowing the way of that which you are to travel which is the protection He promises to give.
Proverbs 3:7: Do not be wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord and shun evil...
What an interesting verse! When one looks at this verse their eyes are immediately drawn to the word shun. The first two parts are fairly normal to everyday tellings. And even the word shun is a heard enough statement. However, when thought about what does shun really mean? When looked up the word shun means: to keep away from (a place, person, object, etc.), from motives of dislike, caution, etc.; take pains to avoid.
….What a concept…so then we must think of what’s evil? And that is anything that is not of God! So whether it be a place (even some where that is quite enjoyable, with many memories, or relaxing), a person you may be the closest with or have many memories with, or something that you hold dear or etc, whether it be any one of these, if it distracts you or is contrary or displeasing and disrupting to God than you must shun it…meaning also take pains to avoid! I find this very interesting cause this is often not the case. Often times when we say yes to a more intimate relationships with God and He calls us deeper, He will also ask us to leave things behind because they are not pleasing to Him and to what and where He has called us too. This hurts because we don’t understand why…we have become attached and comforted by that certain group or place or possession. However, we are to take up our cross and if Jesus Christ despised the shame…then how much more are we too at the same time? This question, this verse really takes the relevance to count the cost before taking up the cross. Are you willing to take the pains to avoid something that will hinder or get in the way of you fearing the Lord and being wise in your own eyes? For the joys of knowing the One set before you?
Written November 12, 2009
Love-an awakened desire...
Love word that makes our hearts bubble over with complete joy and excitement as we think of being in. A state where we as women are pursued, yearned for, sought after, fought for, and no matter how stubborn we are-are not allowed to get away. An act that when we glance into the eye of our beholder we feel as if there is no one else around besides the two of us and that the whole world has come to a stand still, and no matter what could go wrong, or what could happen everything will be okay as we have each other. Love is actually kind of a whimsical feeling or made into a romance story to capture and awaken our hearts to dream, and vision, and hope for our someday ever after…however does sometimes such talk make us awaken love before the right time? I’ve never been one to think otherwise, having talked on several occasions to friends, read several books, and watched many movies on this romantical theme. However, each time it placed a deep awareness of my want for such a thing, sometimes if I must be quite frank, to the point of picturing and envisioning it into life. Now there is nothing wrong with hoping and dreaming, as long as it stays in its protective state but when it comes something that you are caught up in and consumed with, one may have just drawn the line. God has created love, He has created passion, vision, hope, and intimacy, yet He has also gave us boundaries and commands; just as a father would give to his child concerning the way they are to act and the proper ways to behave in such a situation. Call it old school, call it over protection, call it what you may, the guidelines He’s entrusted to us are there to protect and help us as to guard our hearts. For like His word says: the heart is the wellspring of life.
So why then do we run around outside of these and then wind up hurt, bruised, and crying? I think it has something to do with the fact that we either a. don’t know the Father b. we are trying to take things into our own hands c. we just get caught up in the whole whirlwind of things. It truly is amazing how fast we can get caught up in such a thing, and our minds and hearts can be pulled right out from underneath us as we loose any sense of common knowledge or just sense and walk straight into a foolishness as where properness is concerned.
It’s like seeing someone drowning and in a state of hysteria throw anything you can think of in, to try to save them instead of jumping in yourself (since you can swim) or calling for help, only then to be pushed out of the way by someone who because they are trained in such a thing, knows the antidote and jumps in to save that person. Afterwards, you then sit there and are like why didn’t I do that or think about that?...we’ll my darling because you weren’t trained properly in life guarding or in this area life guarding. You just saw something and reacted, reacting in a manner unfit because of the lack of guidance or instruction you received at one time concerning such matters.
So why then do we run around outside of these and then wind up hurt, bruised, and crying? I think it has something to do with the fact that we either a. don’t know the Father b. we are trying to take things into our own hands c. we just get caught up in the whole whirlwind of things. It truly is amazing how fast we can get caught up in such a thing, and our minds and hearts can be pulled right out from underneath us as we loose any sense of common knowledge or just sense and walk straight into a foolishness as where properness is concerned.
It’s like seeing someone drowning and in a state of hysteria throw anything you can think of in, to try to save them instead of jumping in yourself (since you can swim) or calling for help, only then to be pushed out of the way by someone who because they are trained in such a thing, knows the antidote and jumps in to save that person. Afterwards, you then sit there and are like why didn’t I do that or think about that?...we’ll my darling because you weren’t trained properly in life guarding or in this area life guarding. You just saw something and reacted, reacting in a manner unfit because of the lack of guidance or instruction you received at one time concerning such matters.
Living Love: January 18, 2010
If anything this week I have learned the difference of talking about God to showing who God is. His heart and love to those around me. We are to live love. Many know of God but do not know God. This is where I failed this week because I only helped in the know of but not the knowing because of choices I made, actions I lived out. We only have one life, one moment as this. So let me ask you is that thing you are doing right now?, is it something that in 1 month, 5 days, 1 min hold the same amount of interest or is it something that is temporary? Is it, was it worth it? Cause the choices you make today will affect the outcome, the lives of tomorrow.
Life is too short to live with regret. I am very thankful though that the conscience you’ve placed in me is not numb to such behaviors there after, especially when they are not right. The pain is unceasing, but there are consequences to every action. And for this I must deal with the discipline I shall face, pushing past the regret, and the pain and seeing in the end the Love that washes over me at the same time, because His heart is a fathers over His child. I am thankful that this is not the life I want and that you let my heart feel and show me such. But I pray for those who don’t feel that conviction anymore, I pray for those who have never felt saturated in your spirit, with the presence of your love. God I pray you draw them, these people to you. Because God it is in you, in you alone we find all things.
Life is too short to live with regret. I am very thankful though that the conscience you’ve placed in me is not numb to such behaviors there after, especially when they are not right. The pain is unceasing, but there are consequences to every action. And for this I must deal with the discipline I shall face, pushing past the regret, and the pain and seeing in the end the Love that washes over me at the same time, because His heart is a fathers over His child. I am thankful that this is not the life I want and that you let my heart feel and show me such. But I pray for those who don’t feel that conviction anymore, I pray for those who have never felt saturated in your spirit, with the presence of your love. God I pray you draw them, these people to you. Because God it is in you, in you alone we find all things.
Accountibility, healing, and pain...
It takes a lot of accountability to live and be alone…cause when you are alone, by yourself, than you have to be accountability to yourself only and that is a hard task. One that often times lead people to be defeated or discouraged as habits addiction are seen and lived out due to lack of self control, laziness, or deludeness. So what will it take to be able to be alone, a strong sense of community with the Holy one, the Trinity, God Himself.
As I sit here, I am thinking about how to be able to pray for someone with healing when I have never went through their pain. Isn’t it that pain reaches pain, because it helps gives a compassion and understanding? Can you have compassion without understanding? And when I say understanding I mean without experiencing such a thing. I guess in my mind if the heart is healed, and love is shown and received, then all healing freedom will come.
2 sam. 1-5: Its funny how much when we are hurting that we often listen to people around us and let them guide the reality of what we know to be true. Some times what we perceive as truth is not reality in someone else's mind or heart, whether it be a friend, son/daughter, or a stranger. This in turn leads us to sometimes in pain listen to falseness and make choices to cause pain to those who have only befriended us and loved us. Whether it be someone we have been close to, or whatever, pain will cause us to make wrong choices, it will cause us to attack others, it will cause us to become jealous, it will cause us to fight against sometimes the only friends or family we know. Pain is a hard hurt, but it’s a matter of who you will turn to, who you will receive comfort from, who you choose to be community. Pain can be healed.
As I sit here, I am thinking about how to be able to pray for someone with healing when I have never went through their pain. Isn’t it that pain reaches pain, because it helps gives a compassion and understanding? Can you have compassion without understanding? And when I say understanding I mean without experiencing such a thing. I guess in my mind if the heart is healed, and love is shown and received, then all healing freedom will come.
2 sam. 1-5: Its funny how much when we are hurting that we often listen to people around us and let them guide the reality of what we know to be true. Some times what we perceive as truth is not reality in someone else's mind or heart, whether it be a friend, son/daughter, or a stranger. This in turn leads us to sometimes in pain listen to falseness and make choices to cause pain to those who have only befriended us and loved us. Whether it be someone we have been close to, or whatever, pain will cause us to make wrong choices, it will cause us to attack others, it will cause us to become jealous, it will cause us to fight against sometimes the only friends or family we know. Pain is a hard hurt, but it’s a matter of who you will turn to, who you will receive comfort from, who you choose to be community. Pain can be healed.
Written: February 7, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)